I’ve been really unhappy lately.

Last Thursday I was on the edge on an anxiety attack so the first place I went to was the third floor of the OU art school. I intruded Marwin’s lithography class and greeted everyone with the question: “HEY, CAN I GRIND A STONE!?!” And Marwin let me grind down a block of limestone for about an hour. It felt so good to only focus on moving the lavigator in a consistent pattern. The sound of He also gave me a block of linoleum to carve out of.

"Good art provides people with a vocabulary about things they can’t articulate."
Mos Def (via

(via amiyak)

I’d be 100x happier if I had more sleep. Time to exercise healthy sleeping habits!

"I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to better."
— Frida Kahlo (via

(Source: itsibitsikitsi, via miriannjoh)

"'But to what end was this world created, then?' said Candide. 'To make us mad,' replied Martin."
Candide, or Optimism by Voltaire (via

Christopher Hitchens

Despertarse temprano

Mi comida favorito es

Desayuno: un huevo, tostada, y café

Ir a correr a lago de Hefner

Y Ab Ripper X después

Mucho baile

Hablar por teléfono con mi amiga desde Granada

Ver El Cartel del canal Telemundo (actuación muy mal, pero divertido)

Ir a la biblioteca

Para estudiar la gramática de español

Té y leyendo los libros con Grace a Panera Bread

Mi libro favorito, Candide, me siempre reír

Cena con mis padres

How are you feeling?

I feel hopeful and optimistic.

What good coping have you done?

I’m trying to rethink. I’ve read all the eating disorder books that Cassie’s given me. I research articles related to “body shaming.” I share these ideas with people that support me.

Not gonna lie, it’s difficult to maintain positive thoughts and to stay away from mainstream body ideals. It’s as if I’m un-doing years of brain washing.

On a brighter note, I have chosen to take care of my body which includes eating right (sort-of) and exercising moderately.

Any substance use or unsafe behavior?

Signs that I still need to improve my diet: I get dizzy sometimes and the bruises on my legs are horrendous (especially after my bicycle accident, but they’re uglier than they normally would be). I still do “body checks” multiple times a day. This includes weighing myself (I avoided the scale today, but last week I weighed myself three times in one day— WHY!?!) and analyzing areas of my body that I’m unhappy with every time I am in front of a large mirror.

Did you complete your commitment?

I committed to never purging again. It’s been over 7 months since I’ve last purged.

Community resource update:

I am seeking a clinician to finally reach recovery.

"There comes a time when silence becomes betrayal."

Dr. Martin Luther King.

Taken from his speech, “Why I oppose the war in Vietnam.”

Source: http://www.lib.berkeley.edu/MRC/pacificaviet/riversidetranscript.html

(via silence-is-betrayal)

(via rememo)


Hooked On A Feeling - Blue Swede


How does it sound if we spend the night out? 

These days I’m struggling to push these families to set up an au pair contract with me or negotiate a sufficient pay. Sigh! But on a brighter note, I’ve registered for a tandem language exchange website and I love my new pen pals! Every day for the past few of days I’ve been calling this older woman from Granada and messaging a chick from Barcelona. This technological cultural exchange will be a nice segue to living in España,  I think. It’s so much fun listening to their stories and spending time with people that are eager to learn is always motivating. I’ve been paranoid that my brain’s gonna get soft from being out of school for so long and it might have already since I feel as if my brain hurts after speaking for an hour in Spanish. Anyway, I highly recommend this program! It’s free and much more convenient than trying to search for local Spanish-speaking groups to practice with. :)

P.S. I’d like to give Cassie some credit for planting these ideas. Gotta love IAS majors!

Kathryn Polk